


I Miss You, I Love You

by blametheone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cute, Distance, Fluffy, Hurt and comfort, Implied Relationships, Liam crying, Liam throwing a hissy fit, M/M, Phone Calls, Zayn leaving, i dont know what zayn and liam are either dont ask me, unestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5609206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blametheone/pseuds/blametheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam misses Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> hello. it's me. i'm in melbourne dreaming about having to update my other story but doing this instead.
> 
> i literally got so mad at zayn and unstanned him, am still mad at him and struggle at listening to him from 2014 onwards - and yet i'm STILL obsessed with writing ziam.
> 
> granted, as soon as i had to actually write zayn in (not just in liam's thoughts) i watched a splurge of fetus zayn and ziam videos and started crying in a bradford accent ahahahaaaaaaa...

“Hey,” Louis greeted as he walked into Liam’s hotel room, soft and cautious. “What’s going on?”

Sometimes, Liam really loved Louis. If anyone else was to walk in here after Liam’s explosion earlier in Harry’s room, they would have walked in thirty seconds behind him and pestered with that over-done niceness that Liam did not want to deal with right now.

His ‘explosion’ had consisted of refusing to talk in the van, sitting rigidly silent with the other boys in Harry’s room to try and keep his anger under control, and when Niall had joked about protecting Liam from Louis’ onslaught of tossed peanuts, a very loud “Don’t fucking touch me!” had uncharacteristically blurted from his lips.

The room had gone silent, and Liam had left to go sniffle to himself in his room with the consolation of Twitter and a lonely quiet.

Louis had waited a whole hour before coming down to gently knock on the door and step inside.

Liam stared at him from his place cuddled into the hotel blankets, not answering. Louis pressed his lips together with a sad, sympathetic expression and came to sit down on the floor by the bed, right next to Liam.

“Are you sick?” Louis asked, smirking as his finger poked under Liam’s eye. Liam flinched, frowned and shook his head.

“No…”

“Are you sad?” Louis pouted mockingly, wiggling his bottom lip. Liam shot him a glare and turned over.

“Yes,” he muttered, and – as expected – Louis wasn’t sappy and sympathetic and nice. No, Louis was never like that.

Rather, Louis got up and walked around the bed, climbing in next to Liam and poking his nose.

“Why is little Li-Li sad?” he jeered with a cheeky grin and Liam groaned, burying his face in the covers. Louis sighed and got a little more serious.

“No,” he pulled at the blankets so Liam’s eyes were visible. “This isn’t cute, Payno. Seriously, mate, what’s wrong?”

Liam looked away, eyes casting down as if dragged by the weight of his emotions and- _shit_ , was he really that disgustingly poetic when he was upset?

“I don’t want to-”

“Liam,” Louis cut over him. “Don’t give me that bullshit. What’s going on?”

Liam contemplated his thoughts for a moment, sniffling a little, not crying just yet because at least he still had a hold on that. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out shakily.

“I was on Twitt-”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Liam! You kn-”

“Shut up!” Liam pouted. “That’s not what it is, calm down. I’m not eighteen, Louis.”

Louis chuckled and gave Liam a look that said, ‘ _you’re acting like it_ ,’ without having to verbalise it. Liam made a face and sat up suddenly, pushing the covers away.

“There was a tweet, it’s really stupid…” Liam rubbed at his temple, reaching around in the covers for his phone to bring it back up again to show Louis who was really thinking there was a miss-communication and that this really was something to do with hate. He waited patiently, though, and sat up while Liam unlocked his phone and scrolled down a little.

“Here,” he handed his phone over. Louis looked at the tweeter rather than the tweet first and gave Liam a funny look.

“The name is ‘lima-j-malik’, do I even want to know?” he chuckled, silenced with a quick look from Liam. He rolled his eyes and actually looked at the tweet.

The caption read only, _‘look how protective he is!! liam looks so confused everytime’_ above a video that appeared to be of Zayn and Liam on stage. Louis sighed deeply and closed his eyes, knowing exactly where this was going.

“Can I watch it?” he asked cautiously and Liam nodded, looking away. Louis clicked the little play button and waited for the thirty second video to load.

It was a short montage of Zayn protecting Liam from their idiotic bandmates, a clip from a time long ago where Louis had to double take to see if that was Harry or Liam’s curls under Zayn’s arm as either Harry or Liam pestered Harry or Liam. Then there was some interview where they were ragging on Liam’s hair and Zayn stepped in, followed by an amusing clip of Zayn walking around a confused Liam protectively on stage and death glaring on-screen Louis until he ran off.

Louis looked up at Liam was a half-confused, half-sympathetic look. Like, that was a really cute video, and he knew that Zayn leaving was really hard on Liam (particularly the touring side of it) but really? The tears, really?

“I just…” Liam sucked in a deep breath, eyebrows drawing, eyes squinting and bottom lips beginning to quiver. “I just really miss him…”

“Oh, Liam,” Louis sighed, pulling the lad into his arms protectively as Liam started to cry again. “Love, it’s all okay, you’re okay… I know it’s really hard, I know, but…”

Liam shook his head against Louis’ chest, making a muffled noise between sobs. There was something spluttered in there that sounded like a “don’t” so Louis didn’t. He kept his mouth shut and just rocked Liam softly, whispering soothing hushes into his hair, running his finger through it. Louis rubbed at his back a little with his other hand, letting his head fall onto Liam’s shoulder as they swayed back and forth on the bed.

Liam’s sobs slowed down and eventually stopped racking his body, cries reduced to teary whimpers.

“I know this is pathetic,” he blurted suddenly, voice thick and nose sniffling. “I know… But I just… I just really want him back… I hate performing without him and I hate interviews without him and I hate the fact that he never picks up the phone because we’re always in completely different time zones now, and…”

This was the first time since Zayn left that Liam had actually voiced how he felt about the whole thing. This was a big deal, and Louis knew it, not saying a word as he rubbed Liam’s shoulders softly, guiding him through the spiel he was spilling.

“And I hate the fact that I can’t just go and hang out with him when I’m stressed and I hate that I have to buy my own pack of bloody cigarettes and, _shit_ , Louis,” Liam paused to pull in a shaky breath as his voice got harder and louder. “I miss the _smell_ of his fucking _smokes_.”

Louis had always kind of assumed that there was something deeper than friendship going on between Liam and Zayn (between the cuddles and the _totally platonic kissing_ and the way they slipped into each other’s accents _all the fucking time_ ) and this, honestly, just assured him. Cigarettes smell _awful_ , nobody misses the smell of cigarette smokes unless they associate something really, _really_ safe and comfortable and loving with them.

And the fact that Liam had to buy his own now was no secret, nor was the fact that he didn’t once buy a pack until Zayn left. Liam didn’t smoke much, only going through half a pack in a week, and because of that he used to just sneak one of Zayn’s with puppy dog eyes and a cheeky wink and he got away with it. He never even _tried_ taking any of Louis’.

“I mean,” Liam pulled his breathing rate back together. “I love you guys, I do… but…”

“It was different with him,” Louis finished. “I know, I was there. I don’t know why people thought Harry and I were together with you two finishing each other’s fucking sentences right next to us.”

Liam chuckled a little, which was a relief for Louis as that joke could have made the situation a lot worse very quickly had it not been, you know, true.

“Hey,” Louis caught Liam’s attention. “You know we’re all, like, here, right? I mean, this is the first time you’ve said anything since it happened, _seven_ _months_ ago. We’re not him, but we’re all still a pair of ears…”

Liam nodded, thoughts sobering up a little. Louis watched his face and sighed, standing up off the bed. Liam looked up at him, kind of disappointed at the sudden lack of warmth that he didn’t even realise Louis was radiating, watching the older man pull his phone from his back pocket and pace around the room a little.

“It’s about eight in the morning in London right now,” Louis said finally, looking up at Liam. “If he’s not awake yet then he should be. It’s a personal favour.”

Liam frowned, looking at Louis like he was crazy.

“Are you actually calling-”

“Yes,” Louis insisted, putting the phone to his ear. “I never call him, too, so he’ll think its serious.”

Liam rolled his eyes, watching as Louis stared at the carpet like he always did when he was waiting for the phone to pick up. His eyes lit up suddenly and he grinned out a,

“Hey, sleepy head! How’s your morning?”

Judging by Louis’ laughter, Liam could only guess that Zayn’s answer was probably very grumbled and probably only half-conscious. Louis smiled a little as he listened and it made Liam happy, because Louis and Zayn definitely had a little bit of a falling out just after it all happened, and he had heard that they had sorted it out but with those two it was hard to tell if ‘sorting it out’ actually meant sorting it out, or if he meant that they had apologized but were still mad.

“Look, I have Liam here,” Louis said softly, Liam’s attention drawn to the sound of his name. “And he’s just had a bloody great big cry all over my shoulder, a little bit of a snap at Niall earlie-”

Louis paused for a minute as Zayn cut over him, then snorted with a roll of his eyes.

“Fucking hell…” he grumbled, handing the phone to Liam. “No context needed, he was going to ask to speak with you anyway, apparently.”

Liam chuckled at Louis’ offense, taking the phone from his hands and holding it to his ear.

“Hello?” he whispered cautiously, struggling to tone down the blinding grin that spread across his lips as he heard the familiar voice whisper back to him down the phone, much softer than it had been when he spoke with Louis.

“Hi…” Zayn responded, and Liam could hear the smile in his voice. Liam paused for a moment to watch Louis walk out the door, mouthing ‘back in twenty’ to his as he did so. Bless that kid.

“So,” Zayn started before Liam could speak. “Do I want to know why you were crying, man?”

“No,” Liam chuckled, biting his bottom lip a little to hold back his completely unnecessary grin. “I just… I dunno, man, I saw something and… it just made me miss you, a lot… it’s really hard, without you here…”

They’d had this conversation before. Both of them struggled without the other, but Zayn at least could crawl under his covers for a few days, paint until his frustration subsided or blast heavy music throughout his house like he likes to do to drown out his own thoughts. They both got bad, but Liam didn’t have the same escapes right now that Zayn did.

“I know, babe, but like…” Zayn sighed. “You’ve only got a month or something left, right?”

He tried but it was useless. It was still over a month until the tour ended, and even then Liam still had to work until 2016, so he wasn’t even going to be at home all that much until Christmas, and that was for family anyway.

“Can we…” Liam trailed. “Can we not talk about it, maybe, please? What are you doing right now…?

“Me?” Zayn’s voice gave away the face Liam could practically see him pulling, eyes squinted and eyebrows at differing levels as he tried to remember. “I’m recording a little today… and that’s it, really…”

“What are you recording?” Liam asked, actually intrigued, not just trying to keep the conversation running.

“It’s a little part for that one I was telling you about…” 

 

About an hour later, Louis returned to find Liam sitting against the headboard with the biggest, loved-up grin on his face, still chattering away to Zayn.

“Mate,” he cut in, waiting for Liam to bid Zayn to hold before continuing. “It’s three am. You’ve got to sleep, we have a concert tomorrow.”

Liam nodded and looked torn between Louis and the phone and he didn’t have to say a word.

“Look, stay on as much as you want, I’m just letting you know it’s three in the morning,” Louis held up his hands. “You’re welcome to hold onto my phone for tonight, love. Night!”

“Night, Louis,” Liam called after him, watching Louis close the hotel room door softly. Bless that kid, really.

“You have to sleep?” Zayn asked when the phone was back by Liam’s ear. Liam sighed a little, feeling a lot better than he did before.

“Yeah, it’s really, really late over here and we’re performing tomorrow… or, tonight…”

There was silence for a bit, that Liam broke through, pushing aside his embarrassment.

“Can you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?” he asked, voice barely even reaching a whisper in its cowering softness.

“Of course,” Zayn crooned back just as gently, smile evident in his voice. “Just go to sleep, Liam… sweet dreams. I’ll try and see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Liam mumbled, getting situated in the pillows. Now that he knew what the time was, he began feeling incredibly sleepy. “Night, Zee…”

“Goodnight, Liam…” Zayn chuckled back, humming softly until his heard snoring.

“Liam?” he called out softly. There was no reply, and Zayn hung up with a small smile on his lips, Liam wearing a matching one in his sleep.

 

There was a knock on Liam’s hotel door, two weeks later, and he turned around to order Harry away because seriously, he didn’t want to hear the latest justification for the shit Louis had pulled and-

“Hey,” Zayn smiled out his greeting as Liam flung the door open.

Liam’s jaw dropped for a second or two before he was already wrapping his body around Zayn’s wordlessly. They shuffled backwards into the room together and Zayn reached behind himself to close the door, arms then coming up to hold Liam closer.

“I’ve missed you too,” he said softly, mumbling into Liam’s short hair.

Liam stays there, silent in Zayn’s hold for God knows how long, then he pulls back and grins and then frowns and tells Zayn his hair looks like shit but that he loves him anyway. They didn’t really even do anything, just cuddled on the hotel bed like they always used to. Liam’s eyelids were heavy with drowsiness from the lack of sleep lately and the sudden comfort of Zayn’s body – and the older of the two was not faring much better after the flight over here.

“I really have missed you,” Zayn whispered sleepily. They were lying on their sides, face to face with noses brushing and limbs interlocked under the covers. Liam had peeled off his jeans and Zayn was in joggers and their hands were on each other’s waists and Liam wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep with this boy forever, or at least for a few weeks.

Liam nodded in response to Zayn’s statement, pressing their foreheads together.

“I know you have,” he assured. And I know you know I’ve missed you, too.”

Zayn smiled warmly – sleepily but nonetheless warmly – and brushed his lips across the top of Liam’s nose, beard tickling.

“I will never not miss you when we’re apart,” he quoted something sort of familiar but Liam couldn’t place it. “Always by my side and in my chest, next to my heart…”

“Is that yours?” Liam mumbled softly, eyes blinking at Zayn with a soft frown. Zayn nodded, explained that the song was his but it wasn’t to be released because it felt too intimate to release to the world.

“Why so intimate?” Liam grinned.

“Because it’s for you,” Zayn replied, pulling the other body in even closer. “I thought that was obvious?”

Liam blushed and smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, eyes closing as he nuzzled his face in next to Zayn’s.

“I love you…” he whispered shortly. They avoided those words with all the bullshit that kept happening, both of them trying to deny that anything was even going on between them most of the time.

Zayn kissed Liam, on the lips, like they never do and sighed into his mouth.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really obsessive with writing stories about zayn leaving, and i don't know why, leave me alone.
> 
> okay, i really have to go write my lilo story now, take care everyone!


End file.
